‘Even to your old age I am he, even when your hair is gray I will carry you.’ – Isaiah 46:4
Dear Charlotte and Ella,
Do you think even Mother Mary had a few wrinkles? Is it sacrilegious to entertain the thought? Would theologians debate the issue? I like to think God allowed Mother Mary to earn a few wrinkles. I think God likes wrinkles, so why wouldn’t he grant her a few?
In a bookstore a few years ago, I remember walking by a stunning bright orange hardcover celebrating a beautiful face. With little thought, I categorised it as a coffee-table book showcasing the work of an artsy photographer.
ATTENTION
Just as I was about to forget the cover and move on with my day, the title caught my attention: Wrinkles. Yes, those cracks and rifts in the skin that terrify our society as Botox becomes more accessible and affordable. When I looked more closely at the book’s cover, the beauty of the face grinning under its title did not lie in the perfection of the person’s smile or their porcelain skin but in the joy emanating from their eyes and their unique pattern of wrinkles.
As I flipped through the book’s pages, I discovered it was actually a children’s book compiled by a photographer known as JR. The pages unabashedly celebrate ‘the wrinkled face’ with dignity and pride. At the same time, the simple text introduces a child to wrinkles, explaining that each person’s wrinkles can tell us their life story.
It reads, ‘These stories surround you, in the wrinkles all around you. Whose wrinkles do you see? What do they tell you?’ The book ends with short biographies of the aged faces, offering a further look into the lives behind the wrinkles. As I sifted through the book, I wondered whether the wrinkle was becoming an endangered species to the point that there is a market for children’s books explaining the phenomenon.
EMBRACING THE WRINKLE
Once a few lines appeared on my forehead and around my eyes, I felt a silent pressure to get a bit of Botox. (Everyone is doing it. What’s the big deal?) I am blessed that your father did not support such frivolity. Contrary to popular belief, after our teenage years, peer pressure continues and it is difficult to be one of the few who is ‘ageing gracefully’.
For years I hemmed and hawed, but as I began to plan my descent into the world of Botox, the Vatican’s International Theological Commission released Quo Vadis, Humanitas? (Humanity, where are you going?), a document addressed to the modern world to consider its technological trajectory. The document encourages the reader to accept the limitation of being human with patience. It also warns the audience not to succumb to the temptations of AI or advanced technologies in overcoming our human constraints.
Approved by Pope Leo XIV, Quo Vadis, Humanitas? criticises our culture’s obsession with what is known as ‘Looksmaxxing’, (striving to become as physically attractive as possible). It states, ‘The result is a widespread “cult of the body”, which tends towards a frantic search for a perfect figure that is always fit, young and beautiful’.
This ‘never-enough’ attitude creates a toxic viewpoint: ‘The ideal body is exalted, sought after and cultivated, while the real body is not truly loved, being a source of limitations, fatigue and ageing.’ The call of Quo Vadis, Humanitas? is to accept our humanity, including wrinkles, and to understand that the purpose of our lives is not to look good on TikTok or Instagram but to nurture our connection with God, prioritise human relationships and live out our vocation.
Quo Vadis, Humanitas? is an answer to a prayer I am not sure I even whispered. It reminds me to ‘Be not afraid’ of those wrinkles when they appear and to see with God’s eyes.
BEAUTY PATIENCE
As I consider the wisdom of Quo Vadis, Humanitas?, an old Irish song comes to mind: ‘Believe Me If All Those Endearing Young Charms’. In 1808, poet and lyricist Thomas Moore penned the song for his wife, who had survived smallpox but suffered facial scarring that distorted her youthful beauty. She worried he would leave her and refused to come out of the bedroom. He crafted the following song to reassure her of his undying love:
Believe me, if all those endearing young charms,
Which I gaze on so fondly today,
Were to change by tomorrow and fleet in my arms,
Like fairy gifts fading away,
Thou wouldst still be adored as this moment thou art,
Let thy loveliness fade as it will;
And around the dear ruin, each wish of my heart
Would entwine itself verdantly still!
Moore’s song, written to ease his wife’s anxiety, is a compass for us all of the path of faithful love. True love patiently allows the unfolding of life’s seasons and welcomes them with acceptance, gratitude and joy.
‘Looksmaxxing’ and beauty obsession often stem from a soul longing to be valued and loved. Although many will never find that approval and devotion from another human being, we can know that God cherishes us, even more than Thomas Moore treasured his wife.
Rather than examining every inch of our bodies with a critical eye, we can pause and remember to thank God for the body he gave us and for the beauty we possess, especially on the inside.
Instead of ‘freezing’ our faces to keep wrinkles at bay, we can encourage ourselves and our young to appreciate wrinkles as a testament of a life well lived.
Training future generations to look at the wrinkled face and sagging skin with appreciation may help the young to grow old gracefully when it is their time, allowing wrinkles to appear as they will, and to know each person is truly loved by God, just as they are.
Love,
Your Mum
Clare Deignan has contributed to Madonna for more than a decade. She is the former assistant editor of Australian Catholics magazine. Clare is the mother of two growing girls and a Catholic educator. This ‘Letters to Charlotte and Ella’ article first appeared in the Madonna winter 2026 edition.
